im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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