Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
