He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
