This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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