so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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