wakey wakey hands off snakey
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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