I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
