update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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