So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
