I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
