I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
