Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
