Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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