i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
