Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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