i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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