It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
