Whats the glycemic index on semen?
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
