weddingsv make me drug and hornr
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
