I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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