So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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