Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
