Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
