You don't have asthma, your pregnant
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Randomize
