Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
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