Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
