I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
