All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Randomize
