Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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