i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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