Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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