My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
