just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
