Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Randomize
