Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
