dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
