It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
