i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
