Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
