WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
