we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize