do herpes really smell.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
