so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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