Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Randomize
