that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
