I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
