I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
