I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
