What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
