i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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