Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
