You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Randomize
