He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You dont lie about slip and slides
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
