you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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