i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Randomize
