Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
