Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
