it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
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