4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
