I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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