am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
