Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
