awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I just blew my weed a kiss
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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