I wish I could teleport
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
