Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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