So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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