we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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