I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
