Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
