we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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