just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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