There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
