plz talk dirty to me
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
